Two days ago I was feeling so done. I was rushing to complete my final summatives, trying to find time to start studying, and being overloaded with stories of teenage drama that I was luckily able to stay out of. At that point I wanted nothing more than to be finished with school.
And then yesterday it hit me: this really is in the end.
One minute I was sitting at a table talking to my friends, and the next my head was spinning with a million questions. How will I manage to pass my exams? What if I don’t get a good job? What if I loose all of my friends in my year off?
And then I noticed the concerned looks on my friends faces.
I started to get bombarded by questions, “are you okay? “, “whats wrong?” . I quickly responded “yes” (that was a lie), but then I started to feel okay. But that only lasted about half a second. So naturally, I did what any normal, mature person would do, and I ran.
Actually, I would call it more of a brisk walk. I tried to physically run away from my overwhelming thoughts. By the time I had walked half way around the school I realized that it is physically impossible to outrun your problems.
Thats when I started to distract myself. I started to listen in on grade nines conversations (it’s a past-time of mine). And boy, are kids these days dry. It made me laugh. The try so hard to look and talk and act so cool. And then I got to thinking “Hey! I used to do that!”
I continued to walk around the school for the remainder of my final lunch break of high school, alone. The way I will be walking a majority of my journeys from now on. As I walked I reminsed on the lame, trivial conversations I had in these halls. I remembered the time my friend jumped out of my locker and scared me silly, I remembered the time I used to get threatened with detention if I didn’t stop eating in the history stair well. It seemed that with every wall, corner and fountain I had a memory of a person I tied to it. As I passed classrooms I thought of how much I enjoyed conversations with that teacher, or how they always has funny bonus marks. Memories clung to each surface and it felt like I was the only person aware of this.
This walk began with me panting and sweating and trying not to cry, and ended with me smiling.
I have gained so much from my four years in high school. I have a solid base, I’ve learned from the best people I have ever met, I’ve grow along side some of the most lively people I will ever meet, I am ready for the next step.
As I write this I sit in the place that I have kept myself hidden away during my spare periods for the past two years, the music office. And I wait for my friends to finish their english exam. I can hear my music teachers planning for next year.
Life here will go on without me. So I must move on as well.