101 Ways To Tell If You’re A Hashtag Common White Girl

As this year begins I intend to continue my path as an educator.  No, I’m not a teacher.  No, I don’t have any special qualifications, but like many other members of my generation, I have internet access.  Which somehow makes me feel like I am knowledgeable enough to “school  yall”.

To begin, I should probably explain to you what exactly a #CommonWhiteGirl is.

Contrary to popular belief, one doesn’t have to be white or even female to be a #CommonWhiteGirl. 

Definition of a #CommonWhiteGirl:  Someone that fits into one of pop culture’s newest and trendiest stereotypes.

  A #CommonWhiteGirl  can often be found in their natural habitat, Starbucks.  But be extremely careful not to confuse one with their enemy that they are forced to share their turf with- the wild hipster.  The fastest way to spot the difference between the two groups is to wait until they are busy instagraming their drinks and peak over their shoulder at the filter they use.  If it looks more like “something you probably haven’t seen before”, they’re a hipster. And if it looks “Like, totally yum-tastic” you’ve found your target.  If this method is too difficult for you, follow my second and fail-proof method: check out there shoes.  10/10 people in starbucks that wear Uggs or sparkly shoes are #CommonWhiteGirls.

 

Now that you know exactly what you are looking for, it’s time for  you to examine yourself. See, a hipster would sit through all 101 Ways To Tell if You’re a #CommonWhiteGirl  just so they could say they read something “you probably haven’t”.  But I know  #CommonWhiteGirls.  I know that there attention span would begin wandering after  number  8 and they’d probably be completely checked out by  number  15. I knew that I had to lie to get their attention. So I have shortened the list to  11.

 

So here it goes:

#1.  Do you own a pair of Uggs?

#2. Do you quote movies such as Mean Girls, Pitch Perfect or The Notebook while trying to give your friends advice?

#3. Have you ever instagrammed a selfie with the comment saying “*insert inspirational quote here*”?

#4. Have you ever gone to the mall with a friend named Maddie, Megan or some other extremely common name for 90s babies and called there name out in a crowd trying to locate them, causing an avalanche.

#5. STARBUCKS! (Did that word make you drool?)

#6. Have you ever even considered going on a juice clense? (Be honest, Beyoncé did, so most of you probably have for that fact alone)

#7. Did you watch seasons one and two of Glee? (I know you did)

#8. Do your underwear have at least one of the following characteristics: Animal print, sheer, a sassy phrase, sequins, ruffles, or something else that makes them uncomfortable and unable to wear under your beloved yoga pants?

Which leads to my next point…

#9.  Do you wear workout clothing without the intention of working out?

#10. Have ever caught yourself saying :

  • “I can’t even”
  • “Disney has given me unreasonable expectations for_________”  (feel free to insert boys, hair or talent here)
  • “As if”
  • “You know my name, not my story”

 

Or one of my personal favourites

 

  • “Sorry, not sorry”

And last, but not necessarily least, yet nor necessarily most … My final question is…

#11.  Do you, like totally breath oxygen, like all the time?

 

If you answered yes to ANY of the qualities , you’re a #CommonWhiteGirl.

Now you’re probably wondering how this will help you with your life. I never promised to tell you how to live life as a #CommonWhiteGirl, I just agreed to help you identify if you are one.

From one #CommonWhiteGirl to another, go forth, my sassy sister and indulge in Starbucks.

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